Now that Wes is here I have become even more protective of him when comments are made, whether intentional or not. And to be honest with you, most people just don't think. Only one person has made a personal attack on my son and other friend's children in the Down syndrome community {so far}. Fortunately for her, this spineless woman lives on the internet, no where near me or my friends. If she did, she'd be regretting her behavior.
Take today for example... I went to my OB for my 6 week appointment. {This may be a little TMI, especially for family, but it's necessary to share as part of my story.} I was speaking with the manager at the office about getting ParaGard, the copper IUD, since I would prefer not to have another baby for a few years just so Wes can have time to be the only child. I told her a funny story about how my friend, no matter what she's on, gets pregnant. This particular friend also had an IUD {which is 99.5% effective}and it didn't work... number 4 is on the way {Irish twins!}
In any event, she shared the story how she was also on bc when she found out that she was expecting number 4. "I may tear up, but it was like she was meant to be! I couldn't imagine my life without her."
I thought I was safe to share... I'm so naive.
"I feel the same way about my little boy. He was born with Down syndrome. The year before we decided to start having children, I continually took my bc without a break. I feel like I saved him, and he was meant for us."
Here it comes...
"You knew and you decided to keep him?"
How do you answer that??
What I wanted to answer, "Yea BI, I did. Want to ask me that again!?" {Picture me with an iron grip on the front of her shirt - nose to nose.}
What I said, "Yes, he's my son. He's wonderful and I couldn't have asked for a more sweet and wonderful baby. He is everything to me." {almost in a begging tone to say, "Please, love my son. Please don't judge him. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me."}
I tried to let it go, and outwardly I did.
But it's eating me inside.
It's so painful to hear that.
Like my friend who consistently says "I'm a retard" and "That's retarded" around me. I even got it in a text the other day. Yea.
That really eats me inside.
When I started working with kids, and kid with needs, I stopped saying ignorant comments because they're hurtful. It's like me saying Nigger in front of my friends who are black. Even writing that word sends shivers down my spine because it's so inappropriate, and I'm sure it caught some of you off guard. {Let me clarify that I wrote this as an example to show you how saying the word "retard" sounds to people who have loved ones who are intellectually disabled - and yes, it is the same. Discrimination against someone who cannot change who they are is discrimination.}
I'm no angel; I have said terrible stuff in the past. I still say terrible stuff at times in anger, but it's not in a social setting or towards someone who is already fragile. No one is perfect, and I get it. We're human and it's human nature to judge those who you may feel as unworthy or less than you. I guess it's a way of making us, with all of our innate human flaws, feel better about ourselves.
It's sick, right?
Here's my challenge to you.
Next time you may find yourself about to make an ignorant comment or use inappropriate adjectives, stop, think, and picture this little face and say...
You're a retard.
Did that make you feel bad?
I hope so.
